You don't have to...I will

So, I realized, in conversation with my mother this week that I have in many ways been avoiding my blog this semester. I think this has been mainly due, in all honesty, to the fact that these past few months have in many ways felt scattered. A blog, to the eye, is so structured – there’s the standard format: a heading, a body of text, pictures interspersed between. What’s been going on inside and around me has felt at times, utterly chaotic – and, utterly resistant to conforming to the virtual world.

There have been all sorts of changes in my life over these past few months. For starters – I’ve moved – again. This time it is to the Northeastern United States. In my Southern mind I have crossed the border. I am in Yankee territory. This is a whole other culture, really. I am surrounded by shopping outlets, suburbs and highways – I catch myself at times looking for those vast expanses of corn fields. When driving down any major road, I have to go right to go left. I can’t pump my own gas. I have to pay to park. At times I long for a “hello” wave from a passer on the street or a smile from a store clerk. And, really, people are friendly here, it’s just a different type of friendliness – it’s just an adjustment from the friendliness that trickles out of the slow steady pace of Southern life.

There have been all sorts of emotional changes in this semester as well. I’ve realized that in many ways, I am still grieving over my departure from my Belfast family. At times I catch myself wishing for a pair of ruby slippers that will somehow magically transport me back to that place where the children of Ballybeen beckoned for my undivided attention. I long for conversations over cups of tea and biscuits. I even find myself missing long bus rides and potato dishes of all kinds.

I’m having to make new friends. Not to say that this isn’t going well – in fact, it’s going quite well. It’s just that all of them are roughly my age, and a good majority of them share my beliefs and values. Not exactly the reality I faced each day last year. Yes, friendships have blossomed in many ways this semester, yet some of them feel estranged, especially those friendships exposed to distance and other such circumstances.

I, and I know that I’m not alone in this, have several points over this semester seriously questioned my call to ministry. I have (probably much at the rolling of God’s eyes, because God does have a sense of humor) rattled off excuses: I am just not a good enough speaker, I don’t see myself as a leader, I don’t understand scripture well enough, and the list goes on…

But even in the midst of the changes and what has sometimes felt chaotic, there have been moments of beautiful, God-given peace – and they’ve come in some of the most unexpected ways and in the most unexpected forms.

One of these moments, for instance, was simply doing my homework. A book that was chosen for the Introduction to Old Testament course this semester was Getting Involved with God by Ellen Davis. I really enjoyed many of Davis’ commentaries on the different books of the Bible, but the one that struck a chord with me was her commentary on the book of Jeremiah. Something unique to the book of Jeremiah, as Davis appropriately points out, is the notion of lament. Jeremiah vehemently cries out in anger toward God and challenges God throughout the biblical text. That the compilers of the Jewish canon chose to incorporate Jeremiah into the Old Testament speaks great volumes to a profound theological idea: anger is ok. In fact, it’s needed for full healing and forgiveness. It helps us better understand ourselves and move forward. Actually, as Davis also points out, Jeremiah (and also so many of the Psalms) point toward the wisdom literature of Ecclesiastes: “There is a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing.” ~ Ecclesiastes 3.

Before I had gotten to seminary, I had never fully considered anger in this light. My perception of anger has for so very long been an emotion that is not meant to be long or given much face to. I’m discovering that I have trouble pinpointing where this conception comes from – sometimes I think it has to do with my Southern raising. However, I know that my misconception of it has affected those that I love in harmful ways and at times has caused me at times to act irrationally and on impulse.

Needless to say, sometimes simply opening up my homework assignment in seminary has proved more beneficial and enriching than I might have expected on several occasions, and I give thanks for these moments.

Praise is also due in the fact that I have had a well-paying and fulfilling job this first semester of seminary. I have been working as a part-time personal assistant for a local professor who is in the middle of a divorce and who suffers from multiple health problems. On a weekly basis, I run grocery errands, collect children from school, type letters of recommendation and do various odds and ends around the house. I find that a great majority of my time is spent just listening – listening to past and present hurts and frustrations of a broken lengthy marriage. It has been a truly learning experience in gathering the words of comfort and consolation to administer when they are needed. I return to campus every time feeling ironically at peace and filled in a way that I have not known. I am curious to see what God is going to do with this.

Praise is also due to the fact that my health has been well. My stomach has been doing wonderfully after a long battle this summer to feel normal again. I am even more thankful for the fact that I have been able to reduce my levels of anxiety, particularly about schoolwork (something that has proved a challenge for me in the past). I feel like I am absorbing so much, and I feel at peace as I hear God saying: “You don’t have to worry Hannah – I am with you, and I will be always.”

I give thanks also for the presence of my YAV friends at Princeton. It has been a blessing to have people around me who are going through the same adjustments I am and who will genuinely listen and identify with my longings to be back on another continent at times.

Praise and thanks are also due to God for all of the family, friends and loved ones who have been supporting me and praying for me during this first step of my seminary journey. I count myself so very blessed to have the support and prayers of those of First Presbyterian Church, Lynchburg and those of Dundonald Methodist Church in Belfast. A special thanks goes up for my grandmother who has been in many ways a prayer warrior on my behalf this semester. Also praise is extended for a mother who calls and wakes me up every morning and a father who keeps rooting for me.

Blessings,

Hannah

Summer Shenanigans

These past three weeks at home have flown by so quickly, but they have been full of all sorts of traveling and family fun.

My family welcomed me with hugs and kisses when I arrived home in Coleman Falls, Virginia on the 26^th of July. My brother, Caleb was especially excited about getting to resume his brotherly rituals of affection when I walked through the door. When I made a move for the couch he was sure to join – just on top of me.

I arrived home not just to Mom, Dad, Rachel and Caleb, but also to Nicholas Guibaud, a visitor from Lille, France. Nicholas is the nephew of a family that we have been exchanging children with over several years now. Nicholas’s cousin, Emilie Guibaud came to stay with us eight years ago, and I, in turn, went to visit her in Annecy, France when I was 16. Nicolas is my brother’s age, and he and Caleb hit it off quite well – especially when Caleb introduced him to Guitar Hero. Nicholas is a natural guitar player and the video game became one of his favorites during his three-week stay with us. Nicholas, if you’re reading this, please don’t tell your mother that that is all we Americans do for entertainment. It is just Caleb…I repeat, just Caleb. Hehe.

We were all quite impressed with Nicholas’s English – much better than my five years of high school and two college semesters worth of French. Our running joke was that Nicholas had a wider vocabulary than Caleb. When you ask Caleb how dinner tastes, for example, he says in a low monotonous tone: “Goooood.” When you ask Nicholas how dinner tastes, he replies with enthusiasm: ‘Deleecious!’

Mom and Dad decided that while Nicholas was here we should introduce him to as much as the Eastern seaboard as was possible. Though he did not explicitly state it, Dad was also looking for some quality time to test his new GPS (which got us lost a couple of times in our journeys)…so, we all packed up the family van and headed to Baltimore, Maryland for a round of some authentic American baseball. Eating plenty of peanuts and drinking lots of good-ole Coca-Cola we all watched the Boston Red Sox beat the Baltimore Orioles. After the game we walked Baltimore’s Inner Harbor area – a really nice area to listen to some live music and watch ships go in and out this time of year.

Next, we hopped in the car and headed down to our nation’s capital, Washington D.C. We spent two days traversing the Washington mall and Smithsonian museums. Nicholas enjoyed the Air & Space museum, the future engineer that he is came out in D.C. Caleb, I think enjoyed all of the eating out. One of our stops was the ESPN restaurant – Caleb’s pick. Nicholas enjoyed another hamburger here – his favorite – he just couldn’t get enough of them while he was here!

After D.C., we made our way down to Dixieland. Dad’s brother, Thad owns a lake house on Lake Sinclair, a couple of hours drive outside of Atlanta, Georgia. So, 22 Williams family members reunited for a few days of fun in the sun at the lake. My cousin, Brandon, who is getting ready to head of to Georgia State this fall, was a good sport, and took us all for several rides on the jet ski and on the tube. Thad and Cindy have enormous floats on the lake that served as great sunning spots. I was ecstatic to find that most of them had a special spot for my five o’clock drink. ;)

While at the lake, I also enjoyed getting to see my cousins who I hadn’t seen in a couple of years, and some who I hadn’t had the chance to meet! My cousin, Julie, and her husband Joel, have, in the past year and a half adopted two beautiful children. She has one biological daughter, Elena, who is five, and is as beautiful as can be, with the longest eyelashes you have ever seen! Elena was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis when she was born, and has come remarkably far over the past few years. She plays piano, is starting home schooling, and can sing The Little Mermaid unlike anyone I know! Ethan, Joel and Julie’s second child, looks just like Joel with dark eyes and dark hair, and has the most mischievious smile. Emily is three months old and a blond-hair, blue-eyed ball of love with Williams dimples in her cheeks. Needless to say, I had a great time getting to play with them and hold them all – they are all sooooo cute! Jennifer, Julie’s sister also joined us at the house with her son, Will. Will is a hoot and a half. A fun fourth-grader this year, he has such an imagination and a great sense of humor. On an afternoon boat ride, Will transformed himself into a boat steward instructing everyone as to how they could secure their seatbelts and the steps to take should we all find ourselves in the midst of an emergency. He is growing up so fast!

After saying our goodbyes in Georgia, we packed up the car, yet again, and headed to our family beach house on Harkers Island, North Carolina for a bit more fun in the sun with Nicholas in tow. (See a pattern yet? ;P)

Our first few days at the beach, were, unfortunately rainy ones, but when the sun did decide to show its face, we were able to enjoy some of our traditional beach activities. Mom and Dad rigged up the family Flying Scott, and we sailed over to Shackleford Banks (a barrier island directly across from the house) for a day on the beach. I caught up on some shelling and worked on my strawberry-vanilla tan J.

During our stay at the beach we were joined by the Charvin family, French visitors who were staying with my Aunt Kakie and Uncle Bob. The Charvin’s are relatives of Emilie Guibaud, who stayed with my family eight years ago. Christine Charvin (the mother) has a twin sister (Annick) who is Emilie’s mother. The Charvins have been exchanging children with my aunt and uncle for several years now as well. My nineteen-year-old cousin Nathan, went to stay with the Charvins summer before last and had a wonderful time biking across France with Matthieu, the eldest boy of the Charvin children. This time around the entire Charvin family came – all seven of them! Bernard and Christine Charvin have five children – Marie Sophie (who is my age and stayed with a friend of mine when Emilie came to visit), Matthieu, Olivier, Jean-Pierre, and Bruno.

The Charvins were up for all of our beach adventures, and they entertained us with their wonderful sense of humor. All of the children sail and they all enjoy water sports, so the beach was a wonderful horizon of summer fun for them.

above pic - The Charvin Family, me & cousins - goofing around in the Beaufort Maritime Museum

I think one of the most amusing parts of their stay was my uncle’s idea for a fishing adventure. We loaded up the Scott with fishing gear (our Hancock motor boat was out of commission this summer) and headed out with a motor attached literally chasing the schools of fish. He had me and Marie Sophie stand on the sides of the boat and point out moving schools of fish while the boys all frantically cast their lines in the direction of the schools. So for an hour we puttered in between three docks waving our hands and fishing poles in fury at the fish we didn’t catch. My uncle was perplexed at the fact that the fish weren’t biting the white fake bait he had bought at the store –he was sure it would catch a Spanish mackerel. I think, to tell the truth, that the fish weren’t thinking about biting at all, more like fleeing from the big white boat above them. Hehe.

So, yes, my summer has been full of wonderful events and people, and I’m looking forward to what is yet to come. Bring on Princeton!

Will write again soon.

Much love,

Hannah

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Hiya ya'll!

I enjoyed keeping my blog in Belfast this past year so much that I decided to keep it going - just in a different place! Enjoy!

Much Love,

Hannah